Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
