Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
