Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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