she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
