That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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