Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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