I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
