I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
