didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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