you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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