we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
