Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
