I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
