If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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