Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
