i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
