Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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