I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
