Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
