Having a random hookup so left but love u
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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