No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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