You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
