If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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