I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
