drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
