I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
