Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
