Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I touched a dick in church today
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
