Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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