I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
