I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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