Me too!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
