Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
