My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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