Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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