3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
