I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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