U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
