Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
