oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What a dumb baby whore.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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