I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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