bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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