dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I intend to get homeless drunk
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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