My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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