it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
