I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
