Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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