marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
