I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
