So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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