So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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