Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
