So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
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Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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