Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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