When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
