You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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