He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
this beer tastes like vomit already
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
