you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
