woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The air was thick with penises
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
