I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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