I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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