also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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