Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
