so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
