Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
