i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
