Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
