i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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