I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
