My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
