Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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