Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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