my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
