you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
