dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
